Constructive Criticism CHECKLIST- journalism

Classmate collaboration essay review : Johanne Smith

The common core standards for education was an initiative to set standards on what every student should know in every state before graduating each grade level. These standards were outline the same for every state. The common core standards focused on mathematics and english literacy. Of the 50 states, 44 states adopted the common core standards, in addition to 4 territories and the District of Columbia. The goal of the common core standards, as outlined on their official website, is to prepare students for college coursework and to be able to compete with other international students after graduating high school. On the common core standards website it outlines advantages of the standards as being “clear, understandable, and consistent”. The common core standards are formed around competing on a global economy. Groups of teacher and other educations worked together to develop the standards. The common core standards were based on “National Assessment of Educational Progress” standards for reading and english literacy. The math portion of the common core standards was based on “findings from Trends in International Mathematics and Science.” In addition to all of this data research was conducted and surveys from various colleges were taken, in order to develop the common core standards. Some people view the common core standards as a major disadvantage. In my interview with my teacher Mr. Lockhart he expressed concerns about an inability to teach what he felt his students should know because of the common core standards. Mr. Lockhart also stated “I really do not feel that there is any advantage to the common core standards”. It is a concern of many that the common core standards are too narrow and only focus on english and mathematics. Many educators and parents are concerned that their students are not being educated to the full extent of their needs. These similar thoughts were expressed to my in an interview with a peers mother, Mrs. Caples. Over the past year, Governor Rick Scott has been in the process of withdrawing from the use of the common core standards in the Florida education system. It has been Rick Scott’s goad to “ remove the state from federal intrusion in education policy.” Governor Rick Scott recently participated in an interview with Tampa Bay Times to convey to the public that the common core standards have been removed from the Florida education system. This included removing “98” items that mentioned the common core standards for the Florida education standards. Regardless of the common core standards being a positive or negative influence on the Florida education system they have been removed. Primarily based on Governor Rick Scott’s actions, the common core standards and all mention in the Florida education standards are now void. The Florida education system will change as a result of the removal of the common core standards.

Here is my review to your essay Johanne. If you have any questions, feel free to email me.

When I read this story, I wonder:

NOTHING; It is well written and clear. Good Job!

After reading this story, I still want to know:

What does common core standards mean? For instance in the first paragraph you said “The common core standards for education was an initiative to set standards..”.Instead of using the word standard to describe what core standards are, maybe you could go to an online thesaurus of some sort to give you a synonym for the word instead, you know?

I felt confused when I read (explain why):

“Rick Scott’s goad to remove the state from federal intrusion.” I think you meant to write goal instead of goad, but I’m not too sure.

I needed to look up the following things to understand them:

“competing global economy” --

I learned the following things from this story:

I learned that the common core standards, which has caused much debate(both positive and negative) has finally been removed because of Governor Rick Scott’s actions and as a result, the florida education system will be deeply affected.

My favorite part of this story was:

Mr. Lockhart also stated “I really do not feel that there is any advantage to the common core standards”.  Most of my teachers say the same thing. I think it’s funny how they actually work in the school system and disagree with some of the decisions made, but in order to do what they like doing(teaching), they must follow these rules.

This story seems to express (opinion or no opinion):

no opinion. You did an excellent job at leaving out any bias and acknowledged both sides of the argument.

The following lines may contain errors in grammar (be specific):

“The goal of the common core standards, as outlined on their official website, is to prepare students…” In the whole paragraph you mentioned the standards in past tense which means all of the prepositions, conjunctions and verbs must be in past tense as well. HINT: “IS” is present tense

The following lines may contain errors in spelling (be specific):

“Rick Scott’s goad …”

“similar thoughts were expressed to my in an interview with a peers mother.”

The following lines may contain errors in punctuation (be specific):

“similar thoughts were expressed to my in an interview with a peers(possessive nouns have apostrophes)mother.”

The following lines may contain errors in style (be specific):

None.

The following lines may suggest opinion, bias, or prejudice (be specific):

None.

Include a closing paragraph of thoughts below that includes two questions, two compliments, and two suggestions for how to improve.

You did an overall great job at staying away from bias and only facts from both sides of the argument. If you were to add your own opinions instead of facts from others, what would be your take on common core standards? Do you personally agree with the decisions made by governor Rick Scott to void these guidelines of education? How do you think this will affect education as we know it today? You also did well at organizing, staying on topic, and acknowledging your audience. The only suggestions I have for improvement would be to follow the spelling and grammar errors you made and you will have a superb essay. You have very few,minor mistakes that are easily fixable. I loved your essay.

AP English Alternative ending

AP English-“Overcoming Everything”

After overhearing the girls in the bathroom, I felt so horrible. “I feel so bad for her, it’s like what does she really have to live for?” These words replayed and replayed in my head that night as I layed my head on my damp pillow, still wet from the previous nights in which I cried about my sad excuse for breathing. I did not want people to feel sorry for me or pity me. I don’t need anyone. I don’t need an egg and I don’t need my family. All I want is my happiness, something I feel will forever remain impossible. My anxiety and depression pummeled at an all time high now and my eyes burned from trying to hide and rub off my tears, as if my father was standing in front of me. What do I really have that I enjoy? Who is everything I’ve done in life for? What is my purpose in this world?  As I went to bed that night, I had so many questions, but not enough answers.

The next day I woke up feeling even worse than the night before and decided to for a walk. The decision to walk only made things harder for me. I began to think back on my life and its many misfortunes. I thought on how I was badly treated as a younger child, shunned, outcasted, and virtually how these hardships molded me into thissad, depressed individual that stood before all of the girls at my boarding school.The more I thought about it, the more I felt like throwing up. “Why do I let things get to me?”, I thought. Why is it that so many people look upon me like I'm perfect when all I see in the mirror is a big mistake that God made. I began to cry softly to myself which quickly turned into a loud weep. To this day, I still believe all of the town’s people heard me, but the frantic and scary way that the tears were barbarically running down my cheeks, made them all look away. They were probably thinking I was one of the crazy people from the Mental Asylum down the street.

Just as I thought I may burst or explode all of my insides into the gutters that lay at every street corner, I saw a knife and picked it up. I began to press the blade up against the creases in my wrist, then stopped. I did not want to shame my family or scare a young child, so I decided to go to the nearest alley to finish what I think God had planned for me all my life, sadness, hopelessness, and eventually death. I began to sit down, almost stumbling on the rat that seemed to be looking for food that lay on the empty boxes now by my feet. My hands started to tremble, I pressed the blade this time closer to my veins, hoping it would finish me off faster. I began slow and easy, and then swept the sharp tool with one quick motion and completely missed the blood vessel, I oh so longed and wished  I would have hit.

 I looked at the blade, it’s bright metallic color caught my eye in the sun and now, it was no longer just some random dirty knife. I saw my whole life flash in this knife. I envisioned my loved one’s and their struggles. I imagined what I could be. I saw what I would be missing out on. And finally, just as I was about ignore all of these signs and put the knife to my vein again, my deceased mother and her discerning face flashed across the blade like one’s reflection in stagnant waters. Her facial expression was telling me not to give up and give in to those who wanted to see me fall. I did not understand it at that time, but I just knew being a coward was not the way out for me. It was at this moment, that I decided I could not take my life away knowing that my mother gave hers just to see me live. I could not disappoint her, I could not disappoint myself.

The sudden change in my perception showed life’s true beauty. The knife went from a dirty and useless utensil to a majestic time capsule that portrayed what it really meant to be at peace and it amazed me. If it was not for that test that I believe God and my mom set up, I don’t think I would be the same person I am today. That trial showed me how close one can be to failure and success and how terribly wrong such a shiny piece of beauty can be when in the wrong hands. As I thought more and more about it, many of the wrong hands contained power like my evil step mother and my dad. But I survived years and years of this sadness. Seeing their devious ways made me a better person and stronger. As long as I continue to do well in school, I thought, I can too be in power like many of those around me. I could be like the great queens and princesses who ruled over numerous countries or maybe even like honorable kings, making crucial decisions and political speeches. Either way, I knew I had a voice and place in the world.This thought guided me through school and for the rest of my life. If it was not for my unhappiness, and physical and emotional turmoil as an adolescent, I wouldn’t know what true love was or what it meant to live breathing effortless with no regrets.

Labels:
-Figurative language

-Direct characterization

-Sensory Description

-Dialogue

-Thoughts

-Gestures revealing character trait

-Actions/Choices revealing character trait

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