Constructive Criticism CHECKLIST- journalism

Classmate collaboration essay review : Johanne Smith

The common core standards for education was an initiative to set standards on what every student should know in every state before graduating each grade level. These standards were outline the same for every state. The common core standards focused on mathematics and english literacy. Of the 50 states, 44 states adopted the common core standards, in addition to 4 territories and the District of Columbia. The goal of the common core standards, as outlined on their official website, is to prepare students for college coursework and to be able to compete with other international students after graduating high school. On the common core standards website it outlines advantages of the standards as being “clear, understandable, and consistent”. The common core standards are formed around competing on a global economy. Groups of teacher and other educations worked together to develop the standards. The common core standards were based on “National Assessment of Educational Progress” standards for reading and english literacy. The math portion of the common core standards was based on “findings from Trends in International Mathematics and Science.” In addition to all of this data research was conducted and surveys from various colleges were taken, in order to develop the common core standards. Some people view the common core standards as a major disadvantage. In my interview with my teacher Mr. Lockhart he expressed concerns about an inability to teach what he felt his students should know because of the common core standards. Mr. Lockhart also stated “I really do not feel that there is any advantage to the common core standards”. It is a concern of many that the common core standards are too narrow and only focus on english and mathematics. Many educators and parents are concerned that their students are not being educated to the full extent of their needs. These similar thoughts were expressed to my in an interview with a peers mother, Mrs. Caples. Over the past year, Governor Rick Scott has been in the process of withdrawing from the use of the common core standards in the Florida education system. It has been Rick Scott’s goad to “ remove the state from federal intrusion in education policy.” Governor Rick Scott recently participated in an interview with Tampa Bay Times to convey to the public that the common core standards have been removed from the Florida education system. This included removing “98” items that mentioned the common core standards for the Florida education standards. Regardless of the common core standards being a positive or negative influence on the Florida education system they have been removed. Primarily based on Governor Rick Scott’s actions, the common core standards and all mention in the Florida education standards are now void. The Florida education system will change as a result of the removal of the common core standards.

Here is my review to your essay Johanne. If you have any questions, feel free to email me.

When I read this story, I wonder:

NOTHING; It is well written and clear. Good Job!

After reading this story, I still want to know:

What does common core standards mean? For instance in the first paragraph you said “The common core standards for education was an initiative to set standards..”.Instead of using the word standard to describe what core standards are, maybe you could go to an online thesaurus of some sort to give you a synonym for the word instead, you know?

I felt confused when I read (explain why):

“Rick Scott’s goad to remove the state from federal intrusion.” I think you meant to write goal instead of goad, but I’m not too sure.

I needed to look up the following things to understand them:

“competing global economy” --

I learned the following things from this story:

I learned that the common core standards, which has caused much debate(both positive and negative) has finally been removed because of Governor Rick Scott’s actions and as a result, the florida education system will be deeply affected.

My favorite part of this story was:

Mr. Lockhart also stated “I really do not feel that there is any advantage to the common core standards”.  Most of my teachers say the same thing. I think it’s funny how they actually work in the school system and disagree with some of the decisions made, but in order to do what they like doing(teaching), they must follow these rules.

This story seems to express (opinion or no opinion):

no opinion. You did an excellent job at leaving out any bias and acknowledged both sides of the argument.

The following lines may contain errors in grammar (be specific):

“The goal of the common core standards, as outlined on their official website, is to prepare students…” In the whole paragraph you mentioned the standards in past tense which means all of the prepositions, conjunctions and verbs must be in past tense as well. HINT: “IS” is present tense

The following lines may contain errors in spelling (be specific):

“Rick Scott’s goad …”

“similar thoughts were expressed to my in an interview with a peers mother.”

The following lines may contain errors in punctuation (be specific):

“similar thoughts were expressed to my in an interview with a peers(possessive nouns have apostrophes)mother.”

The following lines may contain errors in style (be specific):

None.

The following lines may suggest opinion, bias, or prejudice (be specific):

None.

Include a closing paragraph of thoughts below that includes two questions, two compliments, and two suggestions for how to improve.

You did an overall great job at staying away from bias and only facts from both sides of the argument. If you were to add your own opinions instead of facts from others, what would be your take on common core standards? Do you personally agree with the decisions made by governor Rick Scott to void these guidelines of education? How do you think this will affect education as we know it today? You also did well at organizing, staying on topic, and acknowledging your audience. The only suggestions I have for improvement would be to follow the spelling and grammar errors you made and you will have a superb essay. You have very few,minor mistakes that are easily fixable. I loved your essay.

AP English Alternative ending

AP English-“Overcoming Everything”

After overhearing the girls in the bathroom, I felt so horrible. “I feel so bad for her, it’s like what does she really have to live for?” These words replayed and replayed in my head that night as I layed my head on my damp pillow, still wet from the previous nights in which I cried about my sad excuse for breathing. I did not want people to feel sorry for me or pity me. I don’t need anyone. I don’t need an egg and I don’t need my family. All I want is my happiness, something I feel will forever remain impossible. My anxiety and depression pummeled at an all time high now and my eyes burned from trying to hide and rub off my tears, as if my father was standing in front of me. What do I really have that I enjoy? Who is everything I’ve done in life for? What is my purpose in this world?  As I went to bed that night, I had so many questions, but not enough answers.

The next day I woke up feeling even worse than the night before and decided to for a walk. The decision to walk only made things harder for me. I began to think back on my life and its many misfortunes. I thought on how I was badly treated as a younger child, shunned, outcasted, and virtually how these hardships molded me into thissad, depressed individual that stood before all of the girls at my boarding school.The more I thought about it, the more I felt like throwing up. “Why do I let things get to me?”, I thought. Why is it that so many people look upon me like I'm perfect when all I see in the mirror is a big mistake that God made. I began to cry softly to myself which quickly turned into a loud weep. To this day, I still believe all of the town’s people heard me, but the frantic and scary way that the tears were barbarically running down my cheeks, made them all look away. They were probably thinking I was one of the crazy people from the Mental Asylum down the street.

Just as I thought I may burst or explode all of my insides into the gutters that lay at every street corner, I saw a knife and picked it up. I began to press the blade up against the creases in my wrist, then stopped. I did not want to shame my family or scare a young child, so I decided to go to the nearest alley to finish what I think God had planned for me all my life, sadness, hopelessness, and eventually death. I began to sit down, almost stumbling on the rat that seemed to be looking for food that lay on the empty boxes now by my feet. My hands started to tremble, I pressed the blade this time closer to my veins, hoping it would finish me off faster. I began slow and easy, and then swept the sharp tool with one quick motion and completely missed the blood vessel, I oh so longed and wished  I would have hit.

 I looked at the blade, it’s bright metallic color caught my eye in the sun and now, it was no longer just some random dirty knife. I saw my whole life flash in this knife. I envisioned my loved one’s and their struggles. I imagined what I could be. I saw what I would be missing out on. And finally, just as I was about ignore all of these signs and put the knife to my vein again, my deceased mother and her discerning face flashed across the blade like one’s reflection in stagnant waters. Her facial expression was telling me not to give up and give in to those who wanted to see me fall. I did not understand it at that time, but I just knew being a coward was not the way out for me. It was at this moment, that I decided I could not take my life away knowing that my mother gave hers just to see me live. I could not disappoint her, I could not disappoint myself.

The sudden change in my perception showed life’s true beauty. The knife went from a dirty and useless utensil to a majestic time capsule that portrayed what it really meant to be at peace and it amazed me. If it was not for that test that I believe God and my mom set up, I don’t think I would be the same person I am today. That trial showed me how close one can be to failure and success and how terribly wrong such a shiny piece of beauty can be when in the wrong hands. As I thought more and more about it, many of the wrong hands contained power like my evil step mother and my dad. But I survived years and years of this sadness. Seeing their devious ways made me a better person and stronger. As long as I continue to do well in school, I thought, I can too be in power like many of those around me. I could be like the great queens and princesses who ruled over numerous countries or maybe even like honorable kings, making crucial decisions and political speeches. Either way, I knew I had a voice and place in the world.This thought guided me through school and for the rest of my life. If it was not for my unhappiness, and physical and emotional turmoil as an adolescent, I wouldn’t know what true love was or what it meant to live breathing effortless with no regrets.

Labels:
-Figurative language

-Direct characterization

-Sensory Description

-Dialogue

-Thoughts

-Gestures revealing character trait

-Actions/Choices revealing character trait

.

4.01 Pathos in Journalistic Writing

Wilson, Yazmin 

4/16/14

Feature Story:

          Obesity percentages in the United States are continuously growing in numbers each year. In less than 40 years, obesity has increased by over 50 percent in the United States. Yikes! Why? Well, scientist's have discovered that it can be caused by many complex reasons such as hormonal, metabolic, and even genetic factors. The most common consequence  of obesity it hypertension, diabetes, and heart disease. Nearly all of the the worst cases associated with these side affects lead to death or serious injury such as amputation or a heart attack. Obesity accounts for one in every ten deaths in the United States and drain 223 billion dollars from America each year.This horrible disease must be stopped as it is not only killing our people, but our economic stability as well. There are numerous ways to avoid your risk even if it runs in your family. Such methods include following a healthy diet and being physically active. The tools for becoming a better nation are right in our fingertips. "Can we do it? Yes we can!"

Sources:  Adult Obesity Facts." Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. CDC, 17 Feb. 2013. Web. 28 Mar. 2014. <http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/adult.html>

3.02 First Amendment Freedoms

Sund v. City of Wichita Falls, Texas, 121 F. Supp. 2d 530 (N.D. Texas, 2000): 

      The school board of  Wichita Falls City Council voted to inhibit students access to two books, "Heather Has Two Mommies" and "Daddy's Roommate". They disapproved of the books because of it's depiction of homosexuality. As a result, the council of Wichita Falls stated that they would remove all access to the book if three-hundred people signed a petition asking for the restriction. Some people were even angered when they moved them out of the children's section and into the adult area of library. In my opinion, the ignorance just kept doubling. Although they received their three-hundred votes, the seemingly clear-cut case ended up to not be so "black and white".

    It was not the usual lengthy process of deciding like other cases of it's kind. Instead, it was a quick and speedy trial, as the District court was appalled. When this case was brought to court, the District court permanently declared that the city could not allow the removal of the two books. They felt that the city's resolution was based on discrimination, was unconstitutional, and "improperly  delegated any three-hundred private citizens who wished to remove a book from the children's are of the library. Like most cases after the constitution was written, it dealt with a person's freedom of press, not freedom of speech. By trying to omit information to public children, they were in a sense, wrongfully censoring them in a way that our first amendment freedoms protect us from. 

      In essence, I believe that this activity in question should never be restricted. Just because a kid read a book, it doesn't mean that they will become "gay" and it doesn't mean they wont, but they shouldn't keep the government shouldn't keep this away from it's citizen's because it's not the majority. The public has a right to explore and know all the trivial and even political ways of the world. This is how one forms compassion, love, and respect for those around us. Hatred is pure ignorance. Maybe the three-hundred people that initially signed the petition need to read those two books they were trying to ban to gain greater character and confidence in themselves. Interracial dating and communication was once illegal. Alcohol was once illegal, Even having an opinion different from the government was illegal. Isn't funny how America was built because of such injustices and because they wanted more freedom, yet when it was built, they continue to wrong do those in their own "new world".

        On top of it being unconstitutional or "illegal" in a way, it is morally wrong in my eyes.  Many states still don't offer marriage license to homosexual couples and on top of that, they are usually shunned. Enough is enough. Many people feel a marriage is solely for procreation purposes only and should be between a man and woman. Who is to say this is true? Just because one person believes it is wrong it doesn't mean it is wrong, but instead a preferences or another opinion. Many churches feel homosexuality is immoral and a sin. But in the bible, it also says that they should not judge others. Basically their ignorance is a huge contradiction.. If that is not your choice then go your own path and do what you wan tin life. I never understood how people could have so much anger for people whom they've never met because of their personal preference. It's digusting how humans can be so cruel. We as a nation need to come together. There are two many labels that still divide us like race, ethnicity, sexual preference, and even sex, that need to stop. How are we suppose to be "one nation, under god" when we can't even be kind to the person next to us. The world truly needs to see what's important and it's not theses issues at hand. it's the bigger ones like world hunger or even education in rural areas. 

   

Sources:  http://www.ala.org/advocacy/intfreedom/censorshipfirstamendmentissues/courtcases

Lesson 2.05 Assessment

Wilson, Yazmin 

3/25/14

Internet: News,Blogs,etc.

               It is human nature to want to know the world around us. News comes in many formats and  involve various topics on daily events. Newspapers, radio, television, and  the internet, all provide news and other credible information to the public. Everyday people use these sources to form opinions or their views on certain local, national, and even daily current events. Although all of these sources broadcast their reports abroad, they have very different ways of expressing their findings. 
             One of the first forms of communication that people were able to use to receive vast information were newspapers. Newspapers were and still are great ways to read interesting articles and store them away for further reading or safekeeping. Most of the resources and sources used are all legitimate and credible. On the down side, many people such as environmentalist's think that newspapers are wasteful when many aren't sold. Also it is said that they are extremely harmful to the environment because of the continuous cutting down of trees that are needed to make them.
            The next major form of news to be produced in history was the radio. The radio allows people to listen to the news while they are doing other activities or preoccupied. For example, you could be laying down drinking a cup of coffee or even riding a bike while listening to entertainment and other news information on the radio. Although the radio broadcaster is giving details of different visuals, a listeners cannot visual a picture or see a picture like they can on a newspaper article. 
           Television has the best of both worlds. Television has the advantage of both visual and audible characteristic to enhancing the listener's understanding. Television provides up to date and credible information to the public in a timely manner. The only downfall to this is that viewers must be near a television to hear the news which is not always compatible. Like the television, a fairly new advancement to communication is the internet. The internet gives vast information. Although the internet provides a variety of sources/details, because anyone can post anything they want on here, most of it's credibility then becomes depleted and lessens. 
            In essence, all of these forms of information keep information updated on current events.They all have opinionated and factual data that each person must differentiate on their own. In my opinion, I prefer the internet as my main source of information. The internet is speedy and easily accessible. Also, when doubt or suspicion of a topic comes up I can just do more research to see if it is reliable or not.
             

3.01 Code Of Ethics

Wilson, Yazmin 3/16/14

Journalism 1-

Assignment: 3.01 Code Of Ethics

                               
1. Abstain from adding in your bias ideas and opinions.

•     Try to avoid incredible sources that can weaken or devalue a report because it will not be trustworthy. 

2. Be a good listener.

•  listen to others and whom your interviewing so you can not only receive the main focus, but get the minor details that sets similar topic reports apart from the rest and allows for fluent communication to transpire with very few misunderstandings. 

3. Do not give false information out to the public.

• The public wants to hear the truth, therefore as a journalist you must give it to them and not change the topic events or crucial information just for a good headline or "story."

4. Be courteous and cautious towards others feelings or emotions of the victims involved and bystanders.

• When dealing with sad situations such as a death or something similar, it is crucial that you understand how they will feel with photos and certain unnecessary information being shared to the public. You must be understanding and respect their privacy. 

5. Don't accept bribes or other forms of incentives.

• Just to make a little extra cash or earn your way up in the company you should not accept these forms of payoff at the cost of sending false information and misinterpretation to the public. 

I believe that these guidelines are the most important standards to follow not only because I made them of course, but because it adds to the credibility and trustworthiness of the report. Once this is established, more people will believe in your reports and increase your readers along with revenue.

3.00 Introduction to Ethics

Wilson, Yazmin 

3/16/14

Chapter 3: Introduction to Ethics

                         In my my mind, being ethical means to use what you think makes sense in both your head and heart in order to make a decision on what's morally "good" or "bad". This means that in order to make a decision to a dilemma you must take a step back from the situation and look at it as a whole, rather than from one side. Some examples of being ethical include being honest even if you know you may be persecuted or maybe deciding to tell your best friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her even though you are fairly close to both of them. An ethical person is not one who leans on bias or favoritism, rather they are people who live by the rules of dividing what's right from wrong. In essence, not only is ethics important in order to provide accurate and truthful information, but it could possibly help a situation or even save a life.

                          For example, let's say your friend has been very depressed and tells you that she is not only mentally damaging herself, but she is causing physical harm as well. She tells you not to tell anyone, especially her parents, because it's her problem and it would cause her parents to be even more strict when it comes to her. What would an ethical person do? Well, being the caring friend I am and following the guidelines of ethics, I would definitely tell her parents or an adult who could help her like a therapist, doctor, or even a older sibling. Because of the severity of this situation, in which many lead to death of serious complications later on, it it important to tell the truth even if it isn't what she wanted. In the end, she will see that my actions were merely because of my love for her and not to get her in trouble at home. Even if she doesn't get it right away or even after years of holding a grudge deep in the heart of an ethical person, you will know it was the right thing to do. 

                    Ethics are everywhere in journalism. These type of dilemmas are presented in all changing situations, from cultural to technological. A reporter must have morals or ethics in order to conduct their jobs thoroughly. They must get critical information out to the public without harming the credibility and standards that should be upheld by the paper. This is what makes their jobs especially hard at times because their occupation description involves so much more than conducting interviews, contrary to popular belief. Ethics go hand in hand with the or statement in the constitution where it says that people have freedom of the press and speech. Overall, ethics is a key role